Cheerio’s & Fruitloops: Dangers in the Pantry and my ED.

Two years.

Two years since I decided that I couldn’t live like that anymore.

Two years since I started facing one of the hardest parts of who I was.

Two bloody years.

I had gotten to a point in my eating disorder that I could no longer imagine my life without it. As if my ED had finally made itself a formal extension of me.

No, screw that.

Two years since I stopped letting my ED control my every movement, plan my schedules, and run my life.

Tiled Mosaics & Our Freedom To be Free

I am a tattooed law student that secretly dreams of owning a restaurant. I love ballet and I often listen to Creed while I’m driving.

Yikes right?

Let’s do it again; I am a New Zealand citizen, who was born on a tiny island in the middle of the Pacific and grew up in Los Angeles California.

Well I’ll be.

Right; Let’s Do This! Positivity and the Neat Freak.

Positivity is contagious. It is so inspiring and wonderful to see in others. I mean have you ever been around a negative person? Have you ever noticed how utterly draining it is to be around that person? How they seem to just suck the air right out of the room and fill it with slowly boiling water as if ready for the entire room to burn to death – maniacal bastards.

I have been around my fair share of negative people and there is absolutely nothing enticing about their personality. Not for me, no thanks, I’ll run in the other direction.

‘Our deepest fear’

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

When I was 12 years old someone handed me a note with this Nelson Mandela quote on it. They told me that it reminded them of me, and that I should take some time to understand why that might be.

At a moment in time where I was deeply troubled by the world growing inside me, as well as the world I saw around me, this quote did no less than change my life; so much so that I got half of the quote tattooed on my body; a sort of keepsake to keep me grounded in the path that I knew, even then, that I wanted to go down.

A Letter To A Younger Me

Hey you.

It has been a while. I hope you do not think that I have been neglecting you. I didn’t realise how much I needed to separate you from me to get to where we are going. So much has happened since we last sat in our favourite places together; I want to speak indisputable truths to you, but I can’t help but think it best that we first remember the place where we first started this journey together.

I know you feel alone. A deep and immovable glass blanket of sorrow burns at the seams of what makes you you. I know the memories have created insurmountable walls to the inner being that lives inside of you. I know you built a tower of steel around yourself. And I know you painted that windowless prison with flowers, so that no one but you would ever see the desolation that ravages the inhabitants of your palace.

For You: Being Patient With Your Journey

This is for anyone that feels like they are not going fast enough;

For anyone that feels they are constantly behind someone or something;

For anyone that feels like they ought to be doing more, trying harder, being better;

This is for anyone that feels failure;

Not just in their heart; But in their soul.

This is for any one that dreams of the future but can’t help but fear the present.

This is for that fear that lives inside of you; But this is also for the you that lives inside of you.